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~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17:

Chessna  

  • Status: Member
  • General Addict
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 17h 40m 36s
  • Deviant since Feb 13, 2007, 4:34 PM
  • 682 Deviations
  • 2,364 Deviation Comments
  • 1,166 Deviant Comments
  • 12,238 Pageviews

Why not?

Journal Entry: Mon May 5, 2008, 7:55 PM
  • Mood: Isolated
  • Listening to: self.
  • Playing: philosopher.
  • Eating: Ew.
  • Drinking: wow!
I realized today what unconditional love is. I never believed it before, never felt it before. But today I realized. I know what it really means. I know it exists.
Love is not an emotion only for the weak. What I once interpreted as weakness wasn't accurately labeled. Love is not pathetic. It is often artificial and superficial, but on occasion it happens that it's not false. True love takes strength, not weakness. The weak never make it. This is not crawling back; we never left.
It's funny that it took a withering, pale flower to make me realize all of this. It's funny that it was another pale, dying flower that truly officiated this bond. It was the silent requirement that pulled the trigger. Rushing through the nonexistent, relative at best, Time and Space, I've grown to be what I am, which will grow to be more eventually. I want this one to see the bullet that hasn't missed its target yet. It was changing my life so that I could have a future. I will stay in the tangible darkness, the sometimes moonlight, as long as I am wanted there. It's a place I can call my home. As close to beloved destruction as I am going to get, inside and out.

The so-called balance is slowly slipping out of proportion. Things are reversing. The victim, the frail, has become the savior of the strong. The one who means the world to me. The one I couldn't hate if I tried. The one I wouldn't try to hate. It sometimes feels like there is not equality or reciprocity here. But I give all of myself, because this is the one who saved me from myself. The one who took me and did not recreate me with clay or dirt. Instead, painting me with all the colours I could never see. Giving me the ribs to protect the apple intestines. Nothing and everything is grotesque, as though it's a bad thing. Perhaps not always on the same level, perhaps not always understanding one another, but knowing it's not always needed.

I sat in the dying light we call evening, as often enough I do, and realized that it's going to be okay. I will form a future of broken glass and balloons and seahorses and apples and all these things of utmost unimportance that I am made of. It will be beautiful. It will be brilliant. It will be enough. It will be finality in happiness. It will be what I want. Not what I tell myself I want.

Devious Information

  • Current Age: Infinitesimal
  • Current Residence: slut garden, NE
  • Interests: imperfection. dirt. intelligence. static. glass. birth. 0. grey. death?
  • Favourite band or musician: AFI. Marilyn Manson. Dresden Dolls. Sopor Aeternus. Smashing Pumpkins.
  • Favourite artist: Gottfried Helnwein.
  • Favourite poet or writer: musicians. survivors.
  • Skin of choice: pale and bruised. veins showing through.
  • Favourite cartoon character: Mickey Mouse. God.
  • Personal Quote: pain is the purest form of art.
  • Tools of the Trade: a scratch in the dirt.

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~dudeman900001:icondudeman900001: 17 hours 10 minutes ago
lol. i would love to go with you.

and i will most certainly be attending your graduation party. i probably wont be there right at the beginning though, i have another friends graduation to be at for a little bit.

and congratulations :D
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: 3 days 14 hours ago
Okay, I'll let you know when I have more details.

Sounds fun. =]

--
I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~Weeperblast:iconWeeperblast: 3 days 14 hours ago
Fuck yes.

Oh, and I'm downloading a bunch of really fucked up films: Begotten, Eraserhead, Jacob's Ladder, etc. We should watch them together.

--
[link] ~ MWNL
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: 3 days 14 hours ago
I might be going to Ithaca on Memorial Day. So if you and Steve would like to come with, just let me know.

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: 4 days 16 hours ago
No problem, dear.

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~LennyDuke:iconLennyDuke: 4 days 16 hours ago
Thx for the fav' :D

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L.Duke is happy (:
~Paradoxical-Illusion:iconParadoxical-Illusion: May 6, 2008, 11:22:19 PM
I'm so sorry for being a fool. Continue doing what you love, but please read my comment on Weeperblast.
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: May 5, 2008, 12:37:41 PM
No problem, dear.

--
I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: May 5, 2008, 12:36:47 PM
No problem. =]

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~nikki-reserved:iconnikki-reserved: May 5, 2008, 1:05:50 AM
Thank you so much :+favlove:

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Make b u n n i e s. not war. :jackdirt:
~Paradoxical-Illusion:iconParadoxical-Illusion: May 5, 2008, 12:57:30 AM
When I was 10, I met with Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt, and she gave me her signature.

I'm pretty sure I sold them on the school-yard, the morning after.

.jar
~Kamelot666:iconKamelot666: May 4, 2008, 11:09:30 PM
Thank you so much for the :+fav::hug:

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Watch my gallery [link] :gallery:
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: May 1, 2008, 7:06:04 PM
Nice idea, but too time-consuming. =D

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~Weeperblast:iconWeeperblast: May 1, 2008, 5:51:01 PM
I have a great idea. We should kill all the trashy white girls and call it the Hollacaust.

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[link] ~ MWNL
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: Apr 15, 2008, 4:36:52 PM
np =]

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
!coloradolover:iconcoloradolover: Apr 15, 2008, 3:33:05 PM
Thank you for the fav!

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Summer Blues have got to you! Summer blues has got to me too! :icondanceplz:
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: Apr 14, 2008, 3:46:25 PM
Thanks! :heart:

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
~tomokeia:icontomokeia: Apr 14, 2008, 2:11:12 PM
Your stuff is amazing. :] <3 You inspire me! : D

--
make me laugh
say you know what you want
you said we were the real thing
so I'll show you some more and i learn
what black magic can do
make me laugh
say you know you can turn me into the real thing
so I'll show you some more & i learn.
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: Apr 11, 2008, 8:53:02 PM
You're quite welcome! Your photos are wonderful.

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
*zdecamp:iconzdecamp: Apr 11, 2008, 8:31:32 AM
Forever it shall be.

Though I wish that it were me!

With a dandelion and a smile,

In our life long reverie.

--
If you can't take a joke, It's probably on you!!
~IDieInMyDaydreams17:iconIDieInMyDaydreams17: Apr 11, 2008, 6:16:00 AM
Thank you. I will keep them forever.

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I don't care what you think unless it is about me.
*zdecamp:iconzdecamp: Apr 11, 2008, 5:21:28 AM
Your beautiful, and they are your words. I give them to you.

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If you can't take a joke, It's probably on you!!